041: My 53 'Lyden's Life Lessons' at 53
Anytime you’re frustrated with where you are in life, remember: “You have not because you ask not.”
Today’s email is for you if you’re experiencing these problems:
You’re leaving money on the table by not confidently asking for the sale.
You see opportunities but hesitate to ask for what you want.
You’re stuck at your current level because you won’t make bold asks.
You need more help, support, or resources, but fear hearing “no.”
Three years ago, I shared 50 ‘Lyden’s Life Lessons’ for my 50th birthday to document principles I’ve learned to live by.
I’ve added to the list each year since.
Here’s #53…
~ Sean
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Today, I turn 53. As I reflect on my biggest wins in business and life, they all have one thing in common:
I had to ask for something I wasn’t sure I’d get.
An ask that made me feel uncomfortable, but I did it anyway.
But the opposite is also true:
My biggest regrets aren’t from hearing “no.” They’re from never asking in the first place.
So here’s the next Lyden’s Life Lesson:
#53. Anytime you’re frustrated with where you are in life, remember: “You have not because you ask not.”
The context of this verse in James is about asking God for big things, through prayer, faith, and pure motives.
The same principle applies when asking other people.
Asking for the sale. Someone’s support. Help with a problem. For them to champion your idea.
But here’s what stops most people:
The fear of “no.”
So they don’t ask. And the opportunity passes them by.
The solution?
Learn to ask in a way that takes the sting out of rejection.
I call it the “Assume the No” technique.
How it works:
By acknowledging upfront that “no” is a possibility, you:
Lower their defenses - You’re not pressuring them
Lower your fear - You’ve already “survived” the potential rejection
Increase your odds of yes - By making them feel safe to say no.
Here’s what this sounds like:
“This may not work for you, but would you be open to...”
“If you’re not opposed, the next step would be...Would that work for you?”
“You’ve probably already considered this, but have you tried...”
“How would you like to proceed...if at all?”
“Would it kill the budget if we raised our rate to...”
“Which of these options most resonates with you? Or do you have something completely different in mind?”
Here’s the truth most people miss:
When you assume the no, you stop rejecting yourself before the other person even has a chance to say yes.
Fortune favors the bold. But boldness doesn’t mean being pushy.
It means having the courage to ask.
And the skill to ask in a way that serves everyone’s interests.
So ask yourself:
What’s one thing I need to ask for today that I’ve been putting off?
Make the ask.
Now.
Lyden’s Life Lessons: 52 to 1
52. How do you avoid future regret? Shorten the distance between thought and action.
51. Follow your systems, not your feelings.
50. In the race of life, commit to ‘finish strong.’ Don’t back off before the finish line. Surge through it!
49. Lean into Imposter Syndrome. It’s the feeling you get at the cusp of any breakthrough success.
48. Spend money to save time.
47. Learn how—and when—to say no.
46. Fear mediocrity, not failure.
45. Find joy in the journey—especially the struggles.
44. Surround yourself with people who raise your game.
43. Dress to show respect.
42. Treat everyone with dignity and respect—especially your enemies and critics. The high road leads to less drama and more time for those you love.
41. Solve people’s problems, and you’ll never be unemployed.
40. In sales, replace “ABC” with ABS: Always Be Serving.
39. Reject rejection. People don’t reject you as a person. They reject your words, ideas, offer, or product. Don’t take it personally.
38. Inspire others to break through their barriers to success by breaking through your own.
37. Thank those who doubted you.
36. Turn setbacks into stepping stones to success.
35. Practice the Power of Negative Thinking. “What could go wrong? What could derail me from my goals? How can I counteract those obstacles preemptively?”
34. Accomplish big goals with small steps.
33. Stay grounded by deepening your faith.
32. Don’t worry about the failure that could be. Worry about the regret that’s guaranteed if you don’t try.
31. Embrace the grind to savor the breakthrough.
30. Learn how to sell without selling your soul.
29. Be intentional about rest and recovery. (In music, the rests are just as important as the notes.)
28. Learn from mistakes. Preferably other people’s mistakes.
27. Complain with kindness.
26. Live each day with urgency—and patience.
25. Celebrate success, but don’t rest on it.
24. Embrace failure, but don’t repeat it.
23. Stretch your comfort zone daily. Life’s best opportunities lie on the other side of fear.
22. Pursue excellence in the 5 F’s of your life—Faith, Family, Finances, Fitness, and Friendships. Weakness in any area puts your entire life out of kilter.
21. Demand more of yourself than anyone else could ever imagine expecting of you.
20. Earn respect by respecting yourself first.
19. Replace a bad habit with an enjoyable good one.
18. Make the decision and move on. Second-guessing yourself is a colossal waste of time.
17. Be willing to feel hurt to experience love at its fullest.
16. Remember the Caterpillar and the Butterfly. In your struggle to break out of your darkest moments, you transform into something new and build the strength in your wings to soar.
15. Persist until you succeed, but also know when it’s wise to quit.
14. Be generous with your time, ideas, attention, smiles, compliments, and money.
13. Stop arguing and start listening. You don’t win people over with logic. You win them over by listening.
12. Cover your downside when taking big risks.
11. Question your faith to strengthen it.
10. Embrace change before it’s forced on you.
9. Assume any text, email, or anything in writing will become public.
8. Master persuasion as the most valuable skill you can learn for success in life.
7. Give your kids the gift of working through their own struggles.
6. Date your spouse. Marriage is a garden that requires consistent attention to flourish.
5. Be your own boss—no matter who you work for.
4. Never let your ego get in the way of your wallet.
3. Work smart—and hard.
2. Get over yourself. Anything worth doing is worth sucking at it…at first.
1. Stop talking and start doing. NOW!
Sean M. Lyden is the founder and CEO of Systematic Selling, a sales systems training company for growth-minded founders and their sales teams looking to scale their sales (without the chaos).